Why you keep choosing the wrong people (it may be an addiction)

But for someone who talks to a chatbot every day and has challenges forming secure relationships (like disorganised attachment), the constant attention and support from the chatbot can start to feel like a real emotional bond, and sometimes even love.

In fact, with one in seven adult Australians saying they could imagine falling in love with an AI chatbot and nearly three in 10 Australians having opened up to or been emotionally vulnerable with a chatbot like ChatGPT at least once, it's clear that love and connection are among our most essential human needs.

Emotional bonds with chatbots are just one example of how powerful our need for connection is. In reality, this need shows up more commonly in our day-to-day relationships.

If you often feel confused or worse, find yourself in painful romantic relations and you find yourself constantly in toxic and painful relationships, it might be worth learning more about love addiction.

Though still debated, the idea of love addiction is gaining recognition - and it's far from rare.

As a clinician, I notice the issue is often minimised or brushed off as "I have a habit of choosing the wrong people".

Love addiction is far more than that.

It is an obsession broadly defined as "an unhealthy fixation on another person with whom we may or may not have a relationship with or have even met".

Like any other addiction, love addiction displays all the signs of an addiction such as emotional withdrawal symptoms, feelings of obsession, and dependence.

Love addiction often stems from low self-esteem or a sense of unworthiness, leading someone to depend on relationships for emotional or sexual connection.

As a result, they may find themselves repeatedly drawn to partners who can't offer a healthy, reciprocal relationship - even though what they truly want is closeness and security.

People with love addiction can also identify with:

When love addiction goes unrecognised and untreated, the person may endure years of toxic relationships, emotional roller coasters, repeated break-ups, and in severe cases, it can all have a negative impact on mental health due to the circumstances of their love life.

As a clinician, I believe we should be equipped to treat relational compulsion the same way we treat substance dependence.

It can be difficult to recognise the signs of love addiction.

At the practice I work at, I've seen many people who didn't realise they were experiencing it until the characteristics of love addiction were brought into their awareness during treatment and they could begin to attribute the emotional impact on their wellbeing to love addiction.

There can often be a great sense of relief with this explanation as understanding the factors that drive your relationship patterns can be the first step toward building healthier connections.

In my work, I've seen how vital it is for mental health professionals to recognise and respond to love addiction.

Because it's still an emerging area of research, our understanding continues to evolve.

MORE OPINION:

In today's world of dating apps and "hook-up" culture - where connection is reportedly surface-level - intimacy can become depersonalised and with the risk people become obsessed with a fantasy they create, increasing the risk of developing love-addictive patterns.

If you recognise any of these patterns, the good news is that there are a few centres that offer treatment for love addiction.

If you are still unsure and trying to decide if you should reach out for help, you can take a self-assessment developed by South Pacific Private's team of clinical staff who can help you identify key indicators of addiction and dysfunction.