Basically, it's hard to be humble when you are as smart as me.
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Soz. As I've been writing for months now, Peter Dutton was on the nose with women. And women wiped him out. A complete wipeout.
Worst result in the history of the Coalition. Now the Nationals are saying they want to back out of their long-standing arranged marriage. Geez, I back them to get out of that ASAP.
It seems to me that the men of Australia - particularly the men in the Liberal Party - had no interest in listening to their better halves. Their much smarter halves.
While there is nothing lovable about Mr Wormwood, the deplorable father in Roald Dahl's Matilda, he does say this one classic thing which is pertinent in this situation. "I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it."
So what's next? I'm going to approach this two ways. First, some advice for the Labor Party. Then, some advice for the Liberal Party.
OK, so the Labor Party won a second and very convincing election. Strong mandate. Huge numbers. Huuuuuge numbers.
Here is what I hope it does. For heaven's sake, listen to people for whom cost-of-living is a serious issue - and that's the people on welfare payments of one kind or another. Raise the rate. Raise the bloody rate. What the hell is the matter with you?
Ditch these idiotic submarines and spend money where it will do best, which is improving the living standards of kids (kids!) currently living in poverty. I love a tax cut as much as the next person but I would love to be sure that all the kids at the kindy where my grandchildren go, get three square meals a day. Not just the ones with doting boomer grandparents.
Or, as Cassandra Goldie, ACOSS CEO for 15 years, put it, much more calmly than me: "Millions of Australians can't afford the basics of life. They can't afford food or rent or medicine. Their power bills frighten them ... voters face exactly the same long-term challenges as they did before the election."
Yeah Albo and co, raise the rate for all these payments: Jobseeker, Youth Allowance, Parenting Payment. Just do it in the first week of Parliament. That's not just Goldie and me saying it. It's also economists like Chris Richardson, Jeff Borland, Nicholas Gruen and Nicki Hutley.
Now, the hardest one. Tax reform. We just can't have the rich getting richer any longer. I recognise you can't just ditch negative gearing and capital gains tax discount for fear of frightening the horses - but surely you can start to pare back the extent of it. As AHURI's Michael Fotheringham told me: "Put a cap on negative gearing and then reduce that cap over an extended period would allow removal of a problematic policy setting without triggering market disruption." Yeah, do that. Slowly, slowly.
You now have - at least - two terms in government to bring people along with you on the journey. It wil be tough. The Coalition, tiny rump it is, now has, with Tim Wilson, the man I'd describe as its Chief Greed Officer after his effective campaign against changes to tax, back in parliament. And he's already reheating one of the Coalition's most toxic policies among voters: nuclear power.
Get a wriggle on with fixing housing. Pour money into the sector. Once you do that, the vile racism promoted by those gutless arseholes from the other side will disappear. It will no longer be us or them, it will be us AND them. Make enough housing to go around and it will no longer be a point of contention. "One of the reasons for the landslide," says Fotheringham, "was a genuine focus on housing supply, not just more for the same demand-side rubbish."
Climate is so key. Let's not approve any more mines and gas fields, let's reward people who actively work towards net zero. I think we don't have a lot of time left with this planet unless we attend to its needs. I selfishly begged and nagged for grandkids - and they need a future, as do you and yours.
"All the words scientists - and the United Nations - have made it clear that there is no need for any new coal, oil or gas projects if we are to avoid dangerous climate change. We cannot afford for Australia to keep expanding its massive fossil fuel export industry," says Ebony Bennett, deputy director of The Australia Institute and fellow columnist.
Now, Liberal Party, you won't pay any attention to me because you haven't in the past. But I was one of those angry women who kept writing about how Labor needed to fix its representation. Then it did. And look where it is now. You need to pay attention to your declining membership and your intransigence around women.

The only thing that's stopping you is a bunch of ideological warriors who've fought their way to blanket defeat. How ludicrous that the best you've got is Angus Taylor? How ridiculous is it that you are ignoring the host of talented people in your party because they have vaginas?
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Extremely very. I'm assuming there are voters who did not put the Liberal Party first because, even though their ideological positions line up, they could not afford to vote for a party which at one stage wanted to abolish work-from-home. Even Liberal voters have families who are on the juggle on the reg.
Your policies need to cater for everyone - not just Boomers with property portfolios. They will die soon. It is no wonder that those under 25 did not vote for you. You aren't recognising what modern life looks like - and if you don't do that, if you don't attend to the needs of those without homes or predictable careers, if you don't attend to those with families, your party won't exist any more. Your party, your choice.
- Jenna Price is a regular columnist.

