Heart Eyes
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(MA15+, 97 minutes)
4 stars
Remember that little girl from the Old El Paso commercial who uttered the immortal words "por que no los dos" and saved her family from taco tension?
Her sentiment was alive and well in the Heart Eyes writers' room.
The film is half cheesy rom-com, half silly slasher, and 100 per cent bloody brilliant.
It's as though writers Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon (Happy Death Day) and Michael Kennedy wrote a list of every sappy rom-com trope and every overused slasher moment and thought up ways to link them all together.
And under the direction of Josh Ruben (Werewolves Within) this comes together to hilarious, gory, entertaining effect.
To set the scene, a serial killer dubbed the Heart Eyes Killer (or HEK for short) has spent the past two Valentine's Days murdering couples across two different major US cities. This February 14, the killer is in Seattle to wreak more havoc, starting with the early morning slaying of a freshly engaged couple at a vineyard.
We're straight into the bloody action, and the claret spilled in the vineyard isn't just of the alcoholic variety.
As this is going on, elsewhere in the city, Ally (Olivia Holt, Totally Killer) fears she's about to be fired. She's in charge of the latest marketing campaign at the high-end jewellery company where she works (undoubtedly to remind us of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) - a campaign that highlights the tragic love stories of Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, and Jack and Rose - with the slogan "till death do us part".
Given the murderous masked man on the loose in their city, the company goes into damage control to mitigate the reputation hit this 'tone deaf' campaign has caused.
That, of course, means that Ally must team up with the outside hire brought in to right the ship - who just so happens to be Jay (Mason Gooding, of the most recent Scream films), the attractive and charming guy she had a meet cute with at a coffee shop not half an hour earlier.
With arbitrary deadlines aplenty (they must meet for a work dinner at a fancy restaurant tonight because Jay has to catch a plane to his best friend's wedding in the morning), Ally and Jay end up together and are mistaken for a couple by HEK.
They must spend the rest of the night together trying to evade this killer and growing closer in the process.
Hunting down the killer are detectives Hobbs (Devon Sawa, familiar with the horror genre thanks to Final Destination) and Shaw (Jordana Brewster, whose horror bonafides include The Faculty) - their names making one of the best gags in the film.
Other cast members include Michaela Watkins, Gigi Zumbado and Kiwi actor Yoson An (Mulan), not to mention a quick cameo from the director for the keen-eyed viewer.
Heart Eyes is a film that knows exactly what it is and makes no apologies. It's silly, over-the-top, self-aware and full of blood and gore.
The romantic tropes play out as though there isn't a serial-killing rampage happening at every moment, highlighting just how ridiculous those cliches really are.
There's the supportive and flashy friend, the annoying ex, scenarios that illogically draw the leads together, declarations of affection way too early, and mention of the airport.
Take any classic rom-com you like and you'll find several of those plot points.
It's truly remarkable how much Heart Eyes is equal parts slasher and rom-com.
So if you're not sure whether to go for something bloody or something gooey for your Valentine's Day watch, just like that Old El Paso girl said, why not have both? Heart Eyes is everything you could hope for and more.
