I've been doing consent training with my toddler since she was six months old. We ask permission when we're going to wash her, we tell her what we're doing when we're changing a nappy, we've gone as far as let her declare when her "belly is full" and she'll eat no more dinner.
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She's decisive and she knows what she wants. And I love it.
But this week, every ounce of consent training I've done has been thrown out the window.
Because Eadie, my three-year-old, needed antibiotics and there was no way in hell she was going to take them.
We spent two entire days getting her to take them.
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Cajoling led to bribery led to threats led to one of us holding and the other one squirting.
None of it worked. Anything we did get in her mouth she spat back at us.
So I rang the local hospital to see if they were busy (they weren't) and I took her up there to get some professionals involved.
I won't tell you what happened but it was traumatic, for all of us. And all four of us (me, Eads and the two nurses) emerged covered in antibiotics. Me filled with dread that we have to do it all again in three hours.
So my husband and decided we'd just treat the symptoms and hopefully her robust toddler, immune system would sort her out.
The next day she woke up in more pain with a mouth full of ulcers.
It wasn't going away by itself.
You might be wondering what has that got to do with consent.
Well, basically, my heart has been breaking for my little girl, who's tiny bit of autonomy was stripped from her when she was most vulnerable. I know that I'm the grown up and I can overthrow her if I want to/need to. But should I?
I've been the victim of some mild sexual harassment in my time (as a lot of women have been). Enough to know I don't want that for my daughter (or son for that matter). I want her to have a voice...except apparently when I'm approaching her with a syringe.
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So I spoke to an expert...
I spoke to child expert and Concepts in Early Learning founder Nichole Jenkins about the issue and she believes understanding is key.
"The child's health trumps consent training, but of course you want to uphold those values as best you can," she said.
"It's tricky to know what you want or need if you haven't navigated it before, and the same goes for a child. It becomes our job to support them and understand the new experience and how to navigate it.
"This relates to cognition and understanding. You also need to factor in the fact the child is not themselves when they're feeling sick. Like all of us, the driver to do what she needs and the ability to understand is possibly suppressed when they're not feeling well."
Mrs Jenkins said the experience is learning for the child.
"How much can you explain? It's tough and it is an age and development thing," she said.
"At the end of the day, it is all learning for them and what their body needs. Are you, as the parent, having to support a tough and uncomfortable lesson for your child? She needs to find the line of acceptance and tolerance. Help her build her understanding as she learns what her body needs and to trust professional when it is beyond what she can control herself."
Some tactics
As for actually getting the medicine down the hatch? Mrs Jenkins has a few ideas to help.
- Enlist the help of her favourite book characters, who can you use to get her to give the medicine to?
- Pick her favourite teddy or dolly and she could nurse them when they're sick. Role play it out with you as the doctor and explain what might happen if dolly doesn't take her medicine. Make this casual and not too in her face.
- If she's too unwell you can do a performance and show her how dolly is doing what her body needs
- Mark off the doses so she can see a light at the end, counting down and rating how much better she is feeling. Create some kind of visual that the child can contribute to.
Eadie is finally on the mend, after three trips to hospital and a rather large needle she's got the medication she needs.
And I guess I should be glad that the consent training has started working.
Just send through your thoughts and prayers for the next time she's unwell... I'd better practice my "get dolly better" performance!
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